An open letter to aunties

Posted: December 2, 2010 in Feminism, Marriage
Tags: , , , ,

Dear aunties,

Now before I begin this, I would like to point out that at this moment, I am in a very mellow mood. I am chugging down a lovely little vanilla latte that I picked from Espresso after a nightmare session of snoozeville at uni. The weather has me in a pleasant, sunny mood, more or less, but I’m really sleepy. Thus, this is not the result of an enraged/scorned girl, but rather, just one annoyed individual.

Now, it has come to my attention that your lot tend to view people in my age group, specially girls, as commodities. Now I’m probably using the wrong word here cause not only am I stupid, but also, my brain exited my head and calmly walked out in front of a car because it couldn’t take today’s weirdass lecture anymore, but be that as it may, it seems that a girl’s only value is her looks, gharilo skills, and degree. Now, I understand that you think that because this is what mummy told you when you cried because she said your place was at home, not at school. But you know what? Fuck. You. Bitches. Times, they are a changing, so get with the goddamned program.

See, us girls, we don’t give a shit about your generation anymore, mainly cause you’re getting old, you’re a dying species, so we’re just waiting for all of you to go extinct. Thus, we no longer have to sit quietly and demurely, look down when we talk, focus more on cooking and cleaning, and study less so as to be a good wife. Here, I would like to reinforce my previous point; Fuck. You. Bitches.

Not only that, but we are growing up in a fast-paced world, and are thus impatient and hasty. Therefore, we do not appreciate;

1) You calling up our mothers and forcing them into letting some excellent woman come see us when we have a midterm the next day, or have just come back after a full day of classes.

2) You coming up to us afterward and telling us not to wear our glasses so we’ll look pretty. Here, I’d like to repeat once again; Fuck. You. Bitches. I like my glasses. They’re a part of my identity. Sure, every now and then, I slip in my contacts when I’m going out, just because I like how pretty my eyes looked lined in kohl(at least, they do to me). But most of the time, I like having my chunky frames perched on my nose. I wouldn’t be a stereotypical writer if I didn’t wear glasses. No. Just, NO.

3) Furthermore, no, I will not dress up for a ten minute visit by an auntie who during that time, will somehow decide whether I’m good enough for her ‘laadla’ or not on the basis of the same three questions; name, field of studies, university name, and duration left in program. I swear to God, it takes all the willpower I have not to just smile at them and say, “Ghausia Rashid Salam, BSS-5, major in journalism and media studies, Bahria University Karsaz, two years left, may or may not do a Masters, depending on whether I get a job or not, okay bye see ya later!” Although now I come to think of it, that would be funny. The point is, I am NOT putting on face powder, lipstick, and liner just for these ten minutes. Get your stinking, paan breath gummy face away from me, you old hag.

4) Look auntie, I realize that you think I used to wear jeans as a kid and don’t anymore cause it ain’t proper anymore. I’ll forgive you for not knowing its cause I’m too fat to carry the look anymore, and thus stick to baggy shalwar kamiz. But I do wear my dupata indecently, I mean, you’ve pointed out that I should cover my ‘sattar’ to me several times. So if I’m burger/modern/awara/beghairat enough not to give a shit about whether my dupata is fulfilling its purpose or not, why, why, WHY do you insist on bringing burqay waliyan to see me? No, I do not give if a shit if ‘larka Amreeka mein settle hai’. I do not, EVER want a fundie mother-in-law. I know what good friends you and that type is, the kind that forces her bahu to wear a chadar, and afer the first baby, a veil. Fuck. You. Bitches. Sure, not every purdah-observing woman is that bad, but I’ve met a lot of them; a LOT. The only non-psycho one is my mother. In other words, QUIT IT. I don’t want a family where mummy tells bubbloo to keep his woman under control. Fuck. You. Bitches.

5) While we’re on the subject, the next time you bring an auntie who asks me what I’m studying, then proceeds to ask, “Parhayi puri karogi?” (Do you intend to finish your studies?) instead of snarking at her that no, daddy’s a smuggler so its all haraam ka paisa that pays for an expensive degree and thus, its not worth pursuing, I want to spit in her face. One of these days, I will. I swear to God. I may be crass and rude, but I really am polite when people aren’t pissing me off, but that is the only response I can give to BS like that. I think its the only response any girl could give to that. I mean, seriously? Seriously?! Bitch please!

6) In the same vein; I don’t mind being asked if I intend to work. I realize that maybe, not everyone asks because they want a gharilo woman but because they actually embrace the concept of a working woman. So that, okay, its fine, you don’t want your son to be the sole breadwinner, well I don’t want that either. But when you get an affirmative answer from me and start listing all the evils of a woman working? Piss off lady, and get the hell outta my house.

7) And no, I do not care how many children you have, stop hinting to me that you want me to tell you my intentions in terms of kids. You haven’t even decided if you want me or not, and you’re asking me such personal questions? Seriously?!

8) Auntie, I know you only came to visit mom and I’m coming to say salam to you for mom’s sake else it would seem rude. That doesn’t mean you can flash me your toothless gums and cackle about how its my turn now that my brother and sisters have been hitched. That just makes me itch to pour rat poison in your juice.

9) Oh and also, if you’re coming to see me and bringing your bahu or daughter, I’m cool with that. Most of them are nice, they flash me a grin that says, “I know how you feel sister, been there, done that,” so it isn’t so bad. But when they’re snotty bitches that smirk contemptuously when I tell them where I study? Are you kidding me? Seriously?! My field is fricking journalism! My people change the world! What has your MBA ever done for you?!

10) Yes, I talk a lot. I have a lot to say. I have, for some reason, a pretty eventful life, so there’s always something to discuss. Yes, I realize that mummy taught you a girl that talks too much is ‘fast’ and thus will never get married. No, I don’t care you paan-chewing hag. Piss off and die.

11) Auntie, I’m a fat chick. I don’t cook because I’m gharilo, I cook because I really, really, REALLY like food and want it to taste excellent, and thus prefer to make my own. You think I’m gharilo? Exhibit a) My room. Exhibit b) Did that pile of clothes just move? Is that a rat underneath? So that’s where Frisky went!  Exhibit c) You running out of the house, screaming in terror.

Lastly, get this through your thick skulls. Marriage is NOT everything. No, its not, its really not. I don’t care if you think a ‘mard’ is like an umbrella for a woman. Maybe in your time lady. I’d like to study. I’d like to be a journalist. I’d like to travel a lot. I’d like to change the world. And maybe, MAYBE if I have time after all that, I’ll consider getting married. Besides, even though you don’t approve of me talking too much, it comes in handy when I’m alone and have only myself to talk to. So, piss off, because I’m single and happy. All the other girls out there who go through this bullshit like me are also happy. We have our studies, our friends, our prospective careers, enlightened parents, siblings. Life is pretty sweet, and we really don’t need anything more. Go. Away.

And yes, I know this is a tired, tired topic. Its still fun to write about, and its good to vent out my frustrations.

  1. Xehra says:

    Yayy I am the first to like this 😀 hehe. Ghausia, why don’t you add sharing tabs with your posts? Just wondering. Tweeting it anyways. Very interesting read. I had that toothy, gummy grin throughout.
    Aunties are such a pain in neck, really :/

    • Ghausia says:

      There are sharing tabs? I’ll look into it over the weekend, I didn’t know WordPress had that shit. 😀 See, its not like this is a protest against the system cause its not like I’d ever find a boy at my uni, blegh, and plus, this is something I’d rather let my parents do, my judgment is greatly flawed when it comes to people, but the system is distasteful and hated only because of these aunties. “Beta, jab aya karo, zara chashmay utar kar aya karo, tum lenses nahi lagati kia? Pyari lagogi na!” I mean, really? You think I want a mother-in-law who decides whether she likes me or not on the basis of my looks?!

  2. Ugly Shoelace says:

    Aww. *pat pat*. Just let the aunties be. The next time they visit, wear something really funky, put your shades on, chew gum and wave towards them while you are exiting the door. Also, tell them there is a party in town :P~. Your mother will probably disown you after this, but the auntie will never return 😀

    And hey, if the jeans suit your body type and are worn with proper accessories, it doesn’t matter if you are a little over-weight :). So screw what she thinks :D. Get a nice pair of jeans the next time you visit the mall.

    • Ghausia says:

      The most I can do is screw with my dupatta, if they’re parday-daar khatuns, I keep it round my neck, I know from experience that this is the height of indecency for them. 😀 I’m not brave enough to do all that and face mom’s wrath though. 😀 Plus, gum is bad for the teeth!

      Naaah these days I really want to start wearing them again, I haven’t in years but dude, they highlight my ass too much, I mean, they’re not made to be baggy after all. I’ve seen how bad a lot of fat girls look in jeans, so I don’t want to look like that myself. But I’m lazy and like my food as well, so its a lose-lose situation for me. 😛

  3. Aamna says:

    Tell them that yes you intend to get a job after studies. Expound on the constant dangers a journalist’s family is surrounded with. Hopefully they’ll get the point.

    • Ghausia says:

      Hey at this rate I’ll never get married! 😀 I could always focus on whining about how tough a journalist’s job is with the long hours, beign married to the job, rushing to cover stories at odd hours, etc. That oughta get rid of the fuckers.

  4. Said says:

    damn. that’s about enough gal galoch i can listen to in one blog.
    you seem like you’ll pop a vein in your temple one of these days. try to take it easy.

    • Ghausia says:

      I’m sorry you have an issue with it, I’m a casual swearer and don’t have any qualms with gali galoch as you put it. Its not so much anger as it is a liberal interpretation of freedom of speech I suppose.

    • Ghausia says:

      Tell you what, just because I like your blog, I’ll try to tone down the swearing if you stick around. 😀

  5. Sick of Aunties says:

    This is BRILLIANT.
    I had some really, really, bad run-ins with some aunties a few days back. You took the words right out of my mouth. And I think I love you for that.

    • Ghausia says:

      lol aww thank you. I want to write one of these after every runin with aunties, even though its the same thing each time. And the pan-chewing toothless hags, urgh. Just act very burger and out, that will ward them off. Talk about how you talk toyour guy friends on the phone, and date a new boy every month lol.

  6. safi says: i totally agree with u! I too dont get it what the fuck is wrong with people..going over seeing girls n rejecting them. Plus, getting food from the near by store n then saying..”jee..beti ne banaya hai..bohatt sughar hai..”
    I mean wtf? Does it all have to do with khana pakana n looks..or whatever. I mean why doesnt having a bahu who is learned..same level as ur own son really matter..can go out to work. This is the reason that v do not really seem to be progressing. We hav such double standards..i swear!
    How wud the same aunty feel if people come to see their son catwalk with a tray of food all dressed up. The usual reply wud be noooo our son is a graduate who works or whatever..larki ka kia hai ghar pe hi kaam krna hai..i mean wtf!

    • Ghausia says:

      Not to mention, I ADORE boys that can cook. Having a penis is NOT an excuse thank you very much. just think mera rishta aya and all they asked was where I was studying, how long I’d be studying, whether I would finish or not. On that basis they decided they wanted me as their bahu? I mean, really? I said I was doing my degree in media studies bhayi I’m too awara for your ladla fuck off!

  7. Ahmad says:

    you really should quit your degree..seeing that ur studies havnt even managed to keep your language decent

    hate your blog with those
    wud ve liked it without em

    • Ghausia says:

      Sweetheart, there’s something called the right to free speech. I choose to exercise mine. No one is forcing you to read at gunpoint. What’s the point of reading my blog when you’re going to whine about it like a little girl? My language is decent by my standards.

  8. Saad says:

    my dear “so called paki-muslim”
    These are the PIA flight schedules. Please pick any and I`ll pay for you. Perhaps You might find a few supporters with non muslims.

    • Ghausia says:

      It took me like, a second to figure out you were a friend of the previous asshole trying to impose his typical Pakistani chauvinism on me. I’d suggest you fuck off and die. And btw assface, I never said I was a Muslim. Nor did I say I was Pakistani. I find it incredibly pathetic that you and your friends are coming here trolling my blog. Is this the modern way of frandshipping then?

  9. Safi says:

    haha..Saad dude, I don’t think you remember the basis on which Pakistan was made. Remember what Quaid-e-Azam said?

    “You are free; you are free to go to your temples, you are free to go to your mosques or to any other place of worship in this State of Pakistan. You may belong to any religion or caste or creed — that has nothing to do with the business of the State… We are starting with this fundamental principle that we are all citizens and equal citizens of one State.”

    And then you want people to leave this country? Hhat is wrong with you? Hypocrite!

    • Ghausia says:

      LOL. Choro Safi, these are frandshippers. Most probably the first guy shared the blog on his FB or with his friend, saying, dude, go comment on this, this crazy chick goes insane and starts swearing its so funny because they apparently had nothing better to do. Chotay chotay logon ke choti choti khushiyan. 😀

  10. Ahmad says:

    at least have the guts to keep comments that u dont like.
    n ‘frandship’?haha, wid some nutcase ‘aspiring revolutionary’? say that to ur frand safi…who’s quoting Quaid(RA) where its not even remotely relevant

    I m seriously against having starplus-hollywood influenced wannabes like u in the country…n totally agree wid saad

    • Ghausia says:

      The only comments I don’t keep are offensive ones.

      If you have such a problem with the people living in this country, leave. Or better yet, die.

  11. SuperPhysics says:

    Karachi’s heat tends to tone down people a bit, but apparently not in your case. That was Just.Pure.Awesome! This post’s just about to go viral! 😀

    Got to join Said’s ranks, though: the language nearly crashed my browser!

    • Ghausia says:

      Do you guys realize that I can see your IPs, email addresses, etc. and that its easy to figure out that you’re all from the same institute, and that apparently, some moron is sharing this blog urging his equally moronic friends to go comment because morons apparently have nothing better to do than sit and troll blogs?

      Be that as it may. I don’t give a crap if it goes viral. And yes, I swear a lot. Its right there in the rules. Don’t like it, don’t read it, simple.

      PS: This was written in the fall, when the weather was pretty great.

  12. SuperPhysics says:

    Of course I know you can – I run my own blogs too. And I don’t know about others posting from the same Institute, though it was certainly shared around our channels. And don’t mow everyone down with the same scythe – I genuinely enjoyed it. And apparently, like you put it, others don’t. For those that take it too far, Check > Trash. Enjoy!

    • Ghausia says:

      Thank God for one smart person from your institute then. As you can see from the comments, there are too many stupid people at your institute. I suspected my blog was being shared when the two similar IPs and the emails leading to people on each other’s FBs who also happened to be commenting here showed up. Sigh. Fine, let it go viral, I’m too cranky to care, plus a psycho Immy K fan is torturing me on my FB. Ahem. Pardon the ranting. And unless they’re obscene comments or frandshippers btw, I always approve comments because I don’t want to have a comments thread filled with sycophantic comments, plus, I figure, let other people have fun mocking the idiots showing up. 😛

      Just out of curiousity though, why is my blog being shared around your channels? Its hardly anything special, far from it in fact.

      • SuperPhysics says:

        It’s being shared around because, well… it’s disruptive, to say the least. So many things: the bad mouthing, the topic, the anti-chauvinism. You don’t need your media skills to tell you it hits the ulnar nerve for more than a couple of people. This is a fully residential university with our internal IRC so things get around fast: and trolling is a favourite pastime.
        Don’t tell me this would have the same affect on a lot of Bahrians, either. Too bad people can’t just chuckle a bit and move on.

        • Ghausia says:

          LOL but come on dude, there are more anti-chauvinism/cuss-worthy blogs out there, better written and more amusing to say the least. This blog was me venting after a horrible lecture, mildly drunk on the weather, and hyped up on Espresso lattes. Besides. I swear a lot worse in reality. 😛

          lol. Yeah, dunno about your uni, but mine has a veeeery conservative crowd, they’d be pretty outraged. For one thing, I’m anti-marriage. For another, I’m a girl that drops the f-bomb frequently. Automatically makes me haraam I guess. 😛

          • SuperPhysics says:

            There are. That hardly makes the analysis of the comments any different, though :]
            I’m not a fan of bad language and anti-marriage opinions either, but hey, it IS a free country, isn’t it? Peace.

            P.S. You might want to try IP DNS reverse lookups. Helps against trolls. Cheers! Good night.

            • Ghausia says:

              lol. True, very true.

              See, that’s what ticked me off. Said didn’t like the bad language either but I didn’t chew him out. It was the chauvinistic “I am a man, listen to my words wench!” comment that pissed me off. I don’t care if someone thinks marriage is every woman’s birthright, it sure as hell isn’t mine.

              lol dude, what the hell is an IP DNS reverse lookup? 😀 I just put emails and IPs on my blocked list, which is why Ahmad and Saad can’t comment anymore. Suck it bitches. 😛

              And its hardly a time for saying good night. I’m gonna go watch Buffy and shake off the Pakistani male germs I got from the twats commenting earlier. 😛

  13. SuperPhysics says:

    P.S. Oh, and I cook too 🙂

  14. Kim says:

    Hah! How about a thrice married mid-40-something female who drops F-bombs in every conceivable direction without a second thought? I mean, Ghausia’s young, at the very least one can forgive her language because she’s in the throes of youthful rebellion or somesuch. I’m a grandmother for Chrissakes, but I am who/what I am and have zero intention on changing even if I could at my age.

    The aunties don’t really know quite what to make of me in Kashmir; they know I smoke, I swear, I throw a few rupees in on a game of cards, I’ll drink a beer now and then while the kabobs are cooking, but I have a good time and they adore me for whatever reason…maybe because I’m different, maybe I’m what they’ve wanted to be? Who knows. Although the women in my husband’s family are not in any way shape or form the demure submissive type and they’re more than capable of dropping a few choice epithets – believe me. I’ve heard ’em.

    My Muslim husband will scrub toilets and cook dinner (not in that order!!!) and I’ll change the brake pads on the car and haul wood for the hamam. My husband’s friends can relax and be themselves around me and think he’s a damn lucky guy.

    • Ghausia says:

      Hayeee, you’re a Kashmiri Muslim aurat and you swear? ASTAGHFIRALLAH! 😛

      And come on, 20s is so past the rebellious age, at least for me. 😛

  15. MBA Student says:

    Agree with everything you said. Bas ik baat bahut zyada dil pe lag gai yaar. MBA karne ka irada hai mera. 😦 Itna zaleel tau na karo MBAs ka. 😦

    Awesome, btw.

    • Ghausia says:

      LOL. I don’t have anything against MBAs, my family is business-oriented. I do however, have something against the type that think my degree is frivolous, or that business is somehow more important than journalism. To me, the latter is much more important, and more significant. But writing’s a starve-for-your-craft kinda deal so kudos to you for going for the money-making degree. 😛

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