How to survive a clash exam, the Ghausia way.

Posted: February 2, 2011 in Education, Pictures
Tags: , , , ,

In my previous semester, i.e. fifth, I popped my clash exam cherry. While you’ve heard about my midterm clash, you haven’t about my final clash because I keep forgetting to write about it and the asshole that thought me not wearing a dupatta was carte blanche for being a douche. Anyway that aside, I present to you, the Ghausia way of surviving clashes!

Old notes you were too lazy to throw out

Step 1: Make sure you retrieve any and all notes from previous semesters that you think might come in handy. Trust me, you’ll need them. You’ll be surprised at how applicable Sociology notes from semester 1-2 can be to any other Sociology-based course.

Food is essential for a clash survival. Its the exam munchies that get you.

Step 2: Make sure you’re well-fed. A grumbling stomach is no way to study, and if you’re one of those people that eat whenever their emotions are heightened i.e. very nervous, worried, upset, depressed, etc. you’ll need it more. I have two plates piled up in this because there was little food in the fridge, so I had leftover noodles I found crammed in a tiny box at the back of a fridge, and alu qeema that I wound up wating with a piece of bread due to lack of roti. Let this be a lesson to you kids; always, always cook your food or have someone cook it beforehand during exams, or you’ll be starving and studying.

Staying hydrated-even more essential. We don’t want you passing out.

Step 3: Drink lots of water. It is very important to stay properly hydrated. You also need large amounts of coffee, as evidenced by the huge mug beside the water bottle. Please also note the phone, ready to use when you need to call someone just to scream, “OMG WTF IS THIS SHIT I DON’T REMEMBER WHAT IT MEANS AT ALL I’M GOING TO FLUNK I JUST KNOW IT HELP MEEEEEE!!!!” (Warning, the person on the other end of the line might just hang up on you rather than listen to your hysterics.)

It takes years of practice to learn how to make a mess in an organized way.

Just don’t let your mom see this. She might cry. Or look up and say, “Why me?”

Step 4: Create an organized mess. It is much better to spread all your notes around you, instead of piling them up and having to look for things. Instead, everything is right there before you. Also, keep aa hoodie nearby in case it gets cold. This is my favorite hoodie. I’ve been told I look cute in it. I’m not sure if I do but it is very soft and very warm and just the right kind of wornout. Also, do not make the mistake of burying your pen under your notes, that’s a mistake most rookies make. Always remember, small things go on top of your notes, not under them.

TV is the only way you won’t be clawing at your hair by midnight.

Step 5: Watch TV. A clash exam can be really nerve-wracking, and it is best to chill out with The Gilmore Girls before, during, and after you’re done studying. Specially if its the season with Tristan or Jess in it.

No one will ever love you as much as a cat can. No, not even your mommy. She’s sick of you after 20+ years.

Step 6: Have a cat nearby to hug. This is Fluffy. She starts crying if no one gives her attention for over ten seconds. She is small and fluffy, thus her name. She is Siamese but has longer hair than our other Siamese. She likes to sit on my tummy and have me pet her. Then she likes to curl up in the crook of my arm to sleep. It is very important that you have a kitten that you can hug. Since your mom’s probably asleep and all your friends spent the day studying and are now happily dreaming away of the A they’ll no doubt get because they didn’t yell at the teacher for implying that you deserve to lose marks for missing a quiz that you couldn’t give because you had a killer flu and ran a temperature after every four hours, you have no one to comfort you. Enter Fluffy. She will hug you and make you feel better. No, you may not borrow my kitty get your own. A puppy or doggy may also suffice.

And most importantly, if both exams are two hours each, whatever you do, DON’T drink water during it at all, because telling a teacher that your peepee is bleeding will NOT get you a peebreak. The End. Questions? Comments? Phone numbers of loonybins?

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Comments
  1. amnamela says:

    heheh as i was reading this….i wanted to borrow your kitty, i really did. if you were here, i would have taken her whether you like it or not!

    • Ghausia says:

      lol if you were here I’d let you come over and play with them whenever you wanted, Fluffy loves getting attention anyway!

      • Hamza Malik says:

        You’ve got the most adorable kitty in the world! 😀

        I love Siamese cats! 😀

        (PS: Guys are allowed to like cats rights? There isn’t any stereotype banning this sort of thing yet, right?)

        • Ghausia says:

          Guys are totally allowed to love cats, I don’t know enough dudes that do. Fluffy is the cutest widdle kittay ever I can go on for hours about all the cute little things she does. Like today I was coming down to leave for uni and before I could even see the downstairs area I heard her mewing loudly and when I got there I found out she was yelling because she was waiting for me to come scratch her belly. I ❤ my cat.

  2. Well my cat [ late 😥 ] used to come sit on top of my books and copies when I used to be studying. About the only time she LIKED to come near me. 😛 Otherwise she only had attention for my mum. She used to tail her everywhere! When my mum used to make food, she used to sit at the kitchen door. When she watched TV, she used to sit on the sofa right next to her. And she was also the jealous sort. Very. She didn’t like it when my mom gave attention to my sister. 😀

    But those days are gone now. We left her with a vet coz we had to goto lahore. when we came back Kittenia was found to have been beaten up by the other cats. she also caught jaundice and the doc said there wasn’t much chance of her ever recovering. i guess half of her health deteriorated because she couldn’t believe we were leaving her alone to goto lahore. and the other half, well. So lesson we learnt, never keep a pet unless u can take it everywhere. and never keep a pet because if they die u will never be able to ever recover from the loss.

    • Ghausia says:

      omg that is so sad!How can youleave a cat with a vet, they can never be trusted! My mom refuses to go on vacation because of the cats, she had surgery last year and both of them just sat there and moped around for mom till she got back home. She is currently sitting in papa’s lap, mom tried to get her to go play so papa could go pray, but she refuses to move and just blinks up at you in her “I’m so cute love me” way. Aww poor poor you!I’m so sad now!:(

  3. Hamza Malik says:

    I feel sad too. 😦 The vet in question was the one from whom we bought the six week old cute little furball in the first place. And he was very friendly and kind and he was the official doc of Kittenia Malik therefore we assumed it would be safe to leave her with him. Of course we were first time cat keepers so didn’t truly realize the dangers involved.

    And cats are extremely adorable. Kitty only used to come sit in my dad’s lap when she couldn’t sleep in front of the heater. 😀 and she used to mew really really loudly whenever my mom used to yell at people as if she was trying to scold everyone too. It was adorable. Now I feel doubly sad. 😥

    • Ghausia says:

      Poor little kitty. 😦 I’m so bummed out now. You owe me cupcakes!

      The cutest thing is how they talk to you, I asked Fifi if she was bored,she went miaow? Then I said what’s wrong is Fluffy asleep and not playing with you and she mewed loudly, I went andchecked and Fluffy really was asleep. O_o Fluffy did the same thing with my sister, she was cleaning herself and all of a sudden she turned, saw my sister, and went, miaow? as if to say, oh when did you get here? 😀 And I SWEAR the late T.J called me mommy once!

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